Let Them by Mel Robbins
“When you’re an adult, your life, happiness, health, healing, social life, friendships, boundaries, needs and success are all your responsibility.”
3 Main Messages:
Worrying about the responses and emotions of others is pointless and limiting
The quality of our relationships will be better if we put ourselves first
This isn’t as selfish as it sounds. It’s liberating
I had resisted reading this book for months, as the title and the hype put me off. It seemed a little aggressive, dismissive, even selfish perhaps. And then I listened as people raved about the messaging and watched as people tattooed the title onto their bodies. Eventually I succumbed to my curiosity and am incredibly glad that I did!
As Mel Robbins herself has said this is a book about “control, power and relationships.” This little phrase ‘let them’ allows you to let go of what others think and do, while the second, vital phrase, ‘let me’ allows you to control what you think, what you do and don’t do, and how you respond to your feelings. I’ve been trying it myself over the last few weeks and I have to say: it works!
Robbins has written a few successful books now and has openly shared about her challenges and the tips and tricks which have moved her from bankruptcy and brokenness to fame and fortune, including The 5 Second Rule and The High 5 Habit. Both of these earlier books provide a blueprint for action and a simple set of steps for creating motivation and positivity.
She is the first to say that she is not perfect and continues to use these simple mantras to support her in maintaining momentum, releasing control of what doesn’t serve her and focussing her energy on what is within her power. She claims it will help you to “reclaim your time, your peace of mind, and your focus.” For any of you who find yourselves obsessing over the actions and opinions of others - this will be revolutionary.
My misunderstanding, prior to reading the book, was to assume that it was about behaving selfishly, not worrying about the feelings of other people, lacking empathy and possible emotional intelligence - everything we have been taught since birth. Afterall, we are social beings and need to be aware of and sensitive to the emotional needs of those around us - otherwise we would all be socially cast out! However, as Robbins explains, ‘let them’ is about relinquishing control over others, allowing people to think, do and feel as they want, and then also using ‘let me’ to take back control of your emotional response.
Once the theory has been explained, with many deeply personal, revealing and entertaining anecdotes included, Robbins explains how the theory works in romantic relationships, in friendships, in parenting and in teams. She tells us that the “Let Them Theory is the key to taking back your power”
As referenced in this book, Bronnie Ware wrote 'The Top Five Regrets of the Dying’ to share the messages she heard from the deathbeds of many she worked with in palliative care. The most common regret she heard was “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.” Robbins' message contains the key to avoiding that regret.
There’s a reason why this book is so popular. There’s a reason why people are tattooing it on their bodies: because it works! Robbins has said on numerous podcasts that you don’t need to read the book to understand the theory. I would argue that you should. Better yet, listen to the audio book, where she spirals off . She’s entertaining, honest and inspiring. And it works.
