“Like cacti adapted to an arid climate, we are drowning in dopamine. The net effect is that we now need more reward to feel pleasure, and less injury to feel pain.”
3 Main Messages:
It is within our nature to develop addictive behaviours and we need help to build the muscle of willpower
“The act of consumption itself has become a drug.”
We need to develop self-awareness and take responsibility in order to be empowered to shift
It is an astonishing 45 years since Depeche Mode released Just Can’t Get Enough. This is a song that drew millions to the dancefloor (myself included) through its addictive rhythm, and is still as irresistible today as when we first heard it.
Just can’t get enough of what, though? I won’t share here what we used to shout in the disco back in the day! There are many things, it seems, that we as humans just can’t get enough of: cigarettes, drugs, alcohol, pain killers, gambling, sugar, gaming and other such obviously negative addictions.
Dr. Anna Lembke is the programme director for the Stanford Addiction Medicine Fellowship, amongst many other roles, and knows a thing or two about addiction. In this book she shares that we can also develop negative relationships with positive things. She claims that our addiction to pleasure is causing us pain, and she suggests steps to support us in stopping it.
The book starts in a startling way. No holds barred. The first chapter is about masturbation and is honest in its telling the tale of a man addicted. Dr. Anna continues in this vein, throughout the book, sharing stories of people she has treated and the ways in which they fell into their addictive behaviours and how she helped them to find their way out.
There are some shocking facts: like the fact that 6 million annual deaths worldwide are caused by cigarettes, and the desperately sad numbers of death by suicide. She cites social media as a perverse way of comparing ourselves to false images, story-telling and lifestyles. Even previously positive parts of our lives, like work, have become obsessions, with some cultures celebrating the 9/9/6 approach to employment.
So how do we break free from these harmful habits? Lembke, like others, advocates for us, as individuals, to become more reflective and self-aware in order to be empowered to shift. Where that fails, we need people around us who care about us enough to be willing to tell us some uncomfortable truths.
She also suggests a coaching approach, using her DOPAMINE model, which I have to admit, as a coach, I was really drawn to.
Data - what are the facts here?
Objectives - what does this habit do for you?
Problems - what are the downsides?
Abstinence - how long could you try to go without?
Mindfulness - what do you notice in yourself?
Insight - what are you realising about yourself?
Next steps - what could they be?
Experiment - what works for you?
Willpower is a muscle and, while some are able to flex it at will, there are many of us that need a little help.
Through reading this book we gain an insight into the neuroscience behind our addictions. This is a start to waylay the guilt and secrecy that is only too natural when we find that there is something we can’t stop doing, whether it is biting our nails, doom-scrolling, or drinking caffeine.
We all have vices we would like to keep in check - reading this book will help. However we mustn’t forget that there are still some addictions which are fine to fuel. As this is my 99th book review, it’s clear that book-buying will always be my no-so-guilty pleasure. I just can’t get enough.
