Anchored, Aligned, Accountable by Aiko Bethea
“We need to create cultures where people are anchored in their values, where their intentions and impact are aligned, and where people hold themselves and others accountable in productive ways that lead to real change.”
3 Main Messages:
Being anchored means knowing what matters most to you and who you want to be
A transformative life is one where you align your actions to your values
By owning your mistakes, showing curiosity and humility and by sharing your learning you will lead by example, build trust and inspire others.
AIko Bethea comes highly recommended. Not only is she a colleague and friend of the brilliant Brené Brown, but a friend of mine has been working alongside her and reports her to be genuine, determined, funny, and an incredible thinker.
In a rare turn of events, I hosted an online bookclub with friends to discuss this book and Aiko joined us. Not only that, but she answered questions off the cuff thoughtfully and intelligently. She then followed up with everyone involved and demonstrated true professionalism, warmth, integrity and care. I am a huge fan. Can you tell? In te book and in person, Aiko Bethea is absolutely brilliant, provocative and unique.
Bethea begins by unpicking where we often go wrong; when we buy into ‘bullshit’ behaviours and cultures and fail with intention and integrity. We usually respond this way because of a need to fit in, out of a false sense of duty or false beliefs, because we are people pleasers, because we have too much of an ego or a sense of perfectionism. Whatever the reason, the fix is to be self aware if we are to improve and make transformational change.
“Transformational change is the process of becoming your aspirational self” And “this change is a lifelong, continuous process”. Bethea believes there are three pillars to living a transformational life:
Connection
Learning and Expansion
Rest and Spaciousness
In order to create these in our lives and our work, we first need to turn inward, because “we can only change what we are aware of”. She suggests that we do this through self reflection, rigorous feedback and coaching. To support us in making a start, this book is full of questions and activities which will stimulate self-reflection and start us on unpeeling who we really are and who we want to be.
She suggests that we start to do this by identifying our values and what anchors us to being the best versions of ourselves: “To be anchored, we must identify what we want, who we want to become, and what truly matters to us”. There are activities in the book to support this and she challenges us to consider each of them deeply. What do they really mean to us? What do they look like and what do they not look like?
Once these core values have anchored us, we can start to align our behaviours and responses to them. These hold us accountable, support us in making good choices and force us to repair when we stray.
Then the book gets really interesting. Bethea shares six stories and, taking each in turn, asks us how we might respond in this situation. She continues in a ‘choose your own adventure’ style to see what the possible outcomes might be. During our bookclub and subsequent conversations, it was this section which created the most conversation, challenge, realisation, growth and learning. Some of these issues are crunchy. Some of the learning is uncomfortable. All of it is fascinating!
This book really serves two purposes. One is to move us towards acting with integrity, aligning our behaviours with our values and being the best versions of ourselves. The other is to challenge our way of thinking and being, to reveal sides of ourselves we may not have been aware of and to demonstrate how we can lean in with curiosity and shift towards and better way of being.
Whatever the reason you choose to read this book, you will gain so much from it. Bethea requests that we hold her to account and question her. First we need to face inwards and do that to ourselves. This books helps us do just that.
