The Art of Gathering by Priya Parker
“It is the way a group is gathered that determines what happens in it and how successful it is.”
3 Main Messages:
Whether you are hosting a meeting, a conference, a dinner party or a funeral, there are easy steps to take to make it work
A host must attend to their guests’ needs from the invitation to the moment of closure
Hosts need to be clear, intentional and hold the boundaries
I remember attending a conference in 2024 where women had flown in from all across Asia to learn more about themselves and lift each other up. It was a conference about empowerment and support. As I wrote on LinkedIn afterwards “If Carlsberg did conferences…” And I meant it. Every last detail had been thought of.
A wonderful example of this is that we were told that there would be local female artisans in the foyer on the final day, selling their small business wares - cash only. We were given directions to the cash machine and reassured that everything being sold had been deliberately selected to fit into a carry-on case. As I said - everything.
This level of thought doesn’t go into every event. Gathering people well is an art. Priya Parker has made it into her life’s work; bringing people together successfully and helping mere mortals like us to do it well too.
From the moment that the inkling of an idea about a gathering begins to glimmer, to the closing of the door and follow up messaging, Parker has suggestions, advice, and warnings. She also shares wonderful stories about when things go well and lessons to learn when they don’t.
Much as Simon Sinek tells us to always start with why when looking for conveying purpose, Parker suggests that we do the same when beginning a gathering. Keep asking why until you find a value. People are giving up their most valuable resource: their time. Our job as host is to make it count.
Following this, her tip is to close the doors, to decide who is invited and keep to this list. This is a fascinating and controversial piece of advice, steering away from ‘the more, the merrier’ mentality, but Parker advises that “You will have begun to gather with purpose when you learn to exclude with purpose. When you learn to close doors.” She suggests that it is generous to those invited, to close the doors to others and gives wonderful examples of why this is true.
Parker also shares multiple stories of when she and others have both succeeded and failed in running a party selflessly. She is incredibly honest when sharing about her own mistakes and the examples she shares help us to understand the importance of connecting people, equalising people, steering people and holding them. “A gathering run on generous authority is run with a strong, confident hand, but it is run selflessly, for the sake of others.”
The book also shares advice for starting strong, closing completely and making truly memorable moments which make the guests feel that they matter and create moments of utter delight.
So, if you’re planning a party, curating a conference, managing a meeting or simply delivering a dinner, this book will show you how to do it well from start to finish. Good luck. I’d love to come!
