Get Good, Get Going, Get Noticed
In 2021 I stepped away from working in schools. 25 years of working as a teacher, then middle leader, senior leader, Deputy Head, Head Teacher and International Head of School. That summer I struggled to figure out who I was. If not a teacher then who was I? It’s a good question? Who are you?
When I asked this question recently in a conference workshop, most replied with an external identity: wife, teacher, mother, sister. As the question was repeated again and again, people went deeper, tapping into values, core and soul. When caught up in the treadmill of daily life, it can be hard to find the time to stop and reflect; to check in to see if we are living a life aligned with our values and identity. However, we certainly feel it keenly when we are not. There is a sense of something lacking. A gap. A question.
I was fortunate, in the summer of 2021 to be able to find space to reflect. I read those professional books that had been decorating my office shelves - realising that I would have greatly benefited from the lessons in them if I had read them years earlier. I worked with a coach and thought through some questions around identity and purpose, and again, realised how much I would have benefitted from working with a coach WHILE being a school leader.
I reflected on who I had been as a child. What did I do with friends? Which activities did I turn to to entertain myself when I was bored. “Only boring people get bored,” was one of my Mum’s favourite sayings.
I had always had a clear sense of self. As the eldest daughter of two eldest children; the eldest grandchild and the eldest niece; I knew, as a child, what I was good at. I grew up in a house filled with music. It was a key part of my childhood: we were always singing - Everly Brothers harmonies around the piano, belting out the songs of the 60s in the car.
My sister and I would make radio shows, interviewing each other. We’d read voraciously, write stories and created our own magazine - Kay - where my stories were slowly crafted and carefully depicted, while hers had more creative flourish and she would create as fast as she read. (Her record was reading a copy of Sweet Valley High in the back of the car in 35 minutes).
It is then no surprise that the happiest and most fulfilling days of my career as a teacher were the ones spent writing, practising and performing musicals with my students. What I chose as a child, gave me the most joy as an adult.
As a child I was also a keen letter writer and would collect penpals from across the globe. I ran the school library and would invite all my friends in to plan a future when we would all have horses and we’d stable them together. My closest friends formed the KiWi Club and we would meet in my garage to do crafts together on a weekly basis. Connection is really important to me; I have been described as ‘the glue’ in more than one friend group. This talent was seen by my current workmates who invited me to be a Relationship Lead in their coaching company. It’s a role that was written for me. Again, I find myself returning to the patterns and joys of my childhood.
So let’s pause and reflect on some questions:
What are the things which you enjoyed as a child?
Which of these are showing up in your current work?
Where are the gaps?
What do you notice?
Which parts of your day do you most look forward to?
Which things have you come to love later in life?
What still makes your heart sing and gives you a deep sense of belonging, being and joy?
Much has been written about the importance of Ikigai in our lives. This is the combination of doing something you love, something you’re good at, something that the world needs and something you can be paid for. For me and for many, this is teaching. Ikigai is purported to lead to longevity and also to a greater sense of fulfillment, purpose and enjoyment in life.
Research from the Lancet Regional Health West Pacific has shown that the benefits of living with Ikigai stretch to having a “31% lower risk of developing functional disability and 26% lower risk of developing dementia.” Purpose is important! The article also reports findings that “Having Ikigai was associated with decreased depressive symptoms and hopelessness as well as higher happiness.”
It’s important for us to find work and tasks which not only are enjoyable, but which we are also good at. In Finding Your Element, Ken Robinson leans into this concept and writes that “The people who are doing what they love hardly feel they’re working at all, just living.” He promotes a selection of activities which can lead people into identifying this kind of work, including meditation, mind mapping, vision boarding and automatic writing. And for those with less discipline, I would again recommend working with a coach.
When considering what we are naturally good at, many would baulk at the idea of describing themselves as an expert. The Oxford English Dictionary definition of ‘expert’, however, is “a person with special knowledge, skill or training in something.” Given that definition, I would have to consider myself an expert piano player. When working as a Headteacher in London, I was in fact the only piano player on the staff and so would often find myself accompanying the singing in assemblies. Given the poor quality of my playing, it would have been laughable to have called myself an ‘expert’ at the time, but I could play better than anyone else in the room and that was what mattered.
One of the songs we sang was ‘This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine.” Which seemed fairly apt. We all have gifts and talents. Sometimes they might not seem that special, but when they are advanced compared to others in the room, then we become, by default, the expert. We are often reluctant to let this light shine, but in keeping our light dimmed, we are perhaps depriving the world (or our small community) of a gift. When we think of our skills as gifts to give to others, then this can give us the confidence to share them.
So some other questions to consider are:
What are your natural talents?
What comes easily to you?
What do others praise you for?
What tasks are often delegated to you?
What interests and excites you?
In a world where we’re told to be humble and not to brag or boast about ourselves or our skills this can feel really uncomfortable. But a wonderful reframe for this comes from C.S Lewis who said "Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less.” With this new perspective, offering your gifts is generous and selfless, rather than conceited and selfish.
In her book The Five Regrets of the Dying, Bronnie Ware shares her learning from spending time with people in their final months, weeks and days. As she cared for the dying, they would talk back over their lives and consider what, on reflection, they wished they had done differently. She found that the top five regrets were:
I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me
I wish I hadn’t worked so hard
I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings
I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends
I wish I had let myself be happier
This is remarkably freeing. If we can turn these regrets around into positive mantras then perhaps that is the key to sharing our talents, enjoying our tasks and truly finding our element.
Some deeper questions to reflect, journal or discuss might be:
What do you want to be saying yes to?
What do you want to grow in your life?
What do you need to let go of?
Who will support you?
Who can inspire you?
What are you committed to changing?
I will finish with this powerful poem, shared by my colleague, Naomi Ward, which I find uplifting, inspirational and which resonates in me like a war cry.
I Am My Ancestors’ Dream
By Nikita Gill
Your ancestors did not survive
Everything that nearly ended them
For you to shrink yourself
To make someone else comfortable
Their sacrifice is your warcry,
Be loud,
Be everything,
And make them proud.
